Dr. Susan Edelman. is a psychiatrist and an Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor at Stanford.
Over the last 29 years of private practice, she realized a dangerous trend. Despite advances, women across generations still struggle with having a voice and standing up for themselves.
She says, "That same struggle is why they don’t get what they want from men. It’s painful, and in many cases, it stops them from getting what they want out of life. My patients deserve better—and this is not just a problem for my wonderful patients. It’s global, and we need a new revolution to create change."
"That’s why I wrote this book. I want to support the women who will never walk through my office door yet need a helping hand.
Dr. Edelman wrote Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women to help women get clear about what they want so they can do what’s right for them. Now, she has created the Own Your Options for Love 30-Day Makeover to help women learn to listen to, protect, and follow their hearts. That's what being your Own Brand of Sexy is all about!"
Own Your Options is a guided journey that unfolds through emails that arrive each morning. The daily emails offer insights and exercises to help you discover what you truly value, desire, and need. Each day is crafted to help build your self-esteem, heighten your self-awareness, hone your intuition, and enhance your communication skills. The Makeover is designed to help the women who invest their effort in the daily work complete the program feeling more confident, more resilient, and more empowered to own their options for love and life.
More at www.beyourownbrandofsexy.com
What is your book about?
Susan L. Edelman: I think we need a new sexual revolution, because the old one didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped, especially for women. The sexual revolution promised more choices, but, women today are as confused as ever. We went from “if you have sex before marriage, you’re a tramp” to “if you’re a virgin, you’re a prude.” We forgot the meaning of liberation: the freedom to choose for yourself. We need a new sexual revolution that encourages each woman to decide what’s best for her, regardless of the cultural messages. We each need to be our own Brand of Sexy.
Why did you write this book?
Susan L. Edelman: Every day in my practice as a psychiatrist treating men and women, I listen to women tell me how they don’t get what they want from men, and how incredibly painful that is. They have trouble saying “no”, even when they aren’t comfortable, so they end up: having sex without the commitment they want, moving in together without the engagement they want, or paying on dates when they want the guy to pay. Then, one young woman crystallized it- she has a very common story. In college, “Emma” learned, for many guys, “hanging out” meant casual sex. That wasn’t what she wanted so she held out for a guy to treat her with respect, and didn’t get much chance to learn about dating or relationships. I began to wonder about what had happened to courtship and romance. This was not what we had in mind with the women’s movement and the sexual revolution. We dreamed that women would be treated better when we were seen as equals, not that many men would simply take casual sex for granted. I was determined to figure out how we got here and what we could do about it.
Why do you think many women have more difficulty saying “no” to what they don’t want than most men?
Susan L. Edelman: While men are taught to be strong and independent, women are socialized to be people-pleasers. We’re generally less confident than men so we’re more vulnerable to pressures from others. We often do what is expected of us to the point of denying our own needs. This is how a culture can pull us away from our true selves.
What is the most important question every woman should ask herself before she has sex with a new man? Does he want what I want? Before you have sex with someone new, you want to know him well enough to know if you have the same goals for the relationship. Do you both want something serious? Or is one or both of you looking for a casual fling? Perhaps you feel awkward talking about this topic. If you don’t feel you can talk about it, you may not be ready to have sex. You want to get the answers you need so you are not sorry later.
How do you envision such a new sexual revolution?
Susan L. Edelman: Imagine what would happen if we could start a new sexual revolution, and make being your own Brand of Sexy and sisterhood the new cultural expectations. We would protect our hearts so that we didn’t have to spend so much time being confused about men and getting over heartbreak. We wouldn’t worry quite so much about whether we’re fat and how to be better sex objects. And we would begin to expect acceptance and respect, rather than judgment and heartache. Think of the time and energy we’d have for something bigger than ourselves.
Over the last 29 years of private practice, she realized a dangerous trend. Despite advances, women across generations still struggle with having a voice and standing up for themselves.
She says, "That same struggle is why they don’t get what they want from men. It’s painful, and in many cases, it stops them from getting what they want out of life. My patients deserve better—and this is not just a problem for my wonderful patients. It’s global, and we need a new revolution to create change."
"That’s why I wrote this book. I want to support the women who will never walk through my office door yet need a helping hand.
Dr. Edelman wrote Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women to help women get clear about what they want so they can do what’s right for them. Now, she has created the Own Your Options for Love 30-Day Makeover to help women learn to listen to, protect, and follow their hearts. That's what being your Own Brand of Sexy is all about!"
Own Your Options is a guided journey that unfolds through emails that arrive each morning. The daily emails offer insights and exercises to help you discover what you truly value, desire, and need. Each day is crafted to help build your self-esteem, heighten your self-awareness, hone your intuition, and enhance your communication skills. The Makeover is designed to help the women who invest their effort in the daily work complete the program feeling more confident, more resilient, and more empowered to own their options for love and life.
More at www.beyourownbrandofsexy.com
What is your book about?
Susan L. Edelman: I think we need a new sexual revolution, because the old one didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped, especially for women. The sexual revolution promised more choices, but, women today are as confused as ever. We went from “if you have sex before marriage, you’re a tramp” to “if you’re a virgin, you’re a prude.” We forgot the meaning of liberation: the freedom to choose for yourself. We need a new sexual revolution that encourages each woman to decide what’s best for her, regardless of the cultural messages. We each need to be our own Brand of Sexy.
Why did you write this book?
Susan L. Edelman: Every day in my practice as a psychiatrist treating men and women, I listen to women tell me how they don’t get what they want from men, and how incredibly painful that is. They have trouble saying “no”, even when they aren’t comfortable, so they end up: having sex without the commitment they want, moving in together without the engagement they want, or paying on dates when they want the guy to pay. Then, one young woman crystallized it- she has a very common story. In college, “Emma” learned, for many guys, “hanging out” meant casual sex. That wasn’t what she wanted so she held out for a guy to treat her with respect, and didn’t get much chance to learn about dating or relationships. I began to wonder about what had happened to courtship and romance. This was not what we had in mind with the women’s movement and the sexual revolution. We dreamed that women would be treated better when we were seen as equals, not that many men would simply take casual sex for granted. I was determined to figure out how we got here and what we could do about it.
Why do you think many women have more difficulty saying “no” to what they don’t want than most men?
Susan L. Edelman: While men are taught to be strong and independent, women are socialized to be people-pleasers. We’re generally less confident than men so we’re more vulnerable to pressures from others. We often do what is expected of us to the point of denying our own needs. This is how a culture can pull us away from our true selves.
What is the most important question every woman should ask herself before she has sex with a new man? Does he want what I want? Before you have sex with someone new, you want to know him well enough to know if you have the same goals for the relationship. Do you both want something serious? Or is one or both of you looking for a casual fling? Perhaps you feel awkward talking about this topic. If you don’t feel you can talk about it, you may not be ready to have sex. You want to get the answers you need so you are not sorry later.
How do you envision such a new sexual revolution?
Susan L. Edelman: Imagine what would happen if we could start a new sexual revolution, and make being your own Brand of Sexy and sisterhood the new cultural expectations. We would protect our hearts so that we didn’t have to spend so much time being confused about men and getting over heartbreak. We wouldn’t worry quite so much about whether we’re fat and how to be better sex objects. And we would begin to expect acceptance and respect, rather than judgment and heartache. Think of the time and energy we’d have for something bigger than ourselves.